In the name of dollars.

As current events in North Africa & Middle East unfold they are synonymous to a really good Tarantino movie, or a dramatic opera (if classically minded) there are different chapters, scenes and threads with a multitude of characters. All of which at first appear disconnected and yet become entirely connected intertwined as time goes on and the characters develop. They all have something in common. They all have the same mutual friend.

Tunisia: Ben Ali and his mate Sarkozy.

• Our first chapter is set in Tunisia. So what comes to mind? An Islamic Republic. Offers cheap North African Mediterranean holidays, cheap food, cheap hotels, trying hard to look and charge like a European City and yet entirely third world. A fair few camels, plenty of desert landscape & not much else. However, this all changes in less than 10 days. The chap in charge of this Fantastique Republique and the 10.4 million inhabitants was President Zine El Abidine Ben Ali, more commonly known as President Ben Ali. In fact he had been in charge for just under 25 years. He was the main man for the previous President, Habib Bourguiba, who took over from French Colonialist rule in 1957 until 1987, when Ben Ali took over. President Ben Ali’s life was seriously disturbed when a street vendor set himself on fire on the 17th December 2010, in protest against the State’s disrespectfulness towards its own citizens. The street protests ensued and within 2 weeks he became part of history. President Ben Ali had to make a run for it on the 14th January 2011. He was of course a valued ally to the West. Irrespective of his evil & corrupt ways. Yet his fellow countrymen faced average salaries of less than $400.00 a month with a sexy unemployment of 24% and an inflation of 4%!!
  
  

  Egypt: Hosni and his mate George Bush

• Just as things were settling down and getting sorted in Tunisia the second chapter starts. Predictably this chapter has a more exotic setting. The scene is set in Egypt. So what comes to mind when we think Egypt? The Pyramids, Pharaohs, The Nile, Crocodiles, Red Sea, Cotton, Cheap North African Holidays, Mosques, Camels, sandy Deserts, non specific cuisine. Of course Egypt is also a Republic, with a population of 80 million. It also has a parliament, prime minister, etc, etc, etc. The chap in charge of this great nation was Hosni Mubarak. In fact he has been in charge for the past 30 years, after he took over form his mate/ex-boss Anwar Sadat who was in charge until he was assassinated in 1981. Mr Mubarak ran the Egypt like it was his family business. Like all good businessmen and fathers he obviously wanted the family business to go to his children when he retires. It goes without saying that Hosni Mubarak was also an ally of the West. Despite the mass unemployment with an average house hold income of, wait for it, $2.00USD per day. Egypt has an unemployment rate of 10% with a cool 14% inflation rate. We have to note that Egypt is one of the larger recipients of Financial Aid from the USA because we always help our friends. It would be rude not to. However, before anyone could say Oi Hosni he had to leg it and resign as well. The popular revolution on the streets of Egypt left good old Hosni with no other choice. The mass of Egyptians made him an offer he could not refuse, namely, leave now. Wow! Two revolutions in less than 6 weeks.
  
  

  Bahrain: Khalifa and his mate Cameron.

• It would be difficult to beat the sheer exotic setting of Egypt. But the next turn in this rollercoaster is, Bahrain. Officially the Kingdom of Bahrain. So what would come to mind when we say Bahrain. Let’s see, Muslim country, not quite sure where, somewhere in the Middle East, lots of desert, camels, oil maybe, ergh can’t think of anything. The great and good Kingdom of Bahrain has been the domain of the current Royal Family for the past 200 years. It is a small island in the Persian Gulf with a total population of 1.3 million. You must not for a moment confuse this Monarchy with anything in the United Kingdom or Europe. The king, Shaikh Hamad bin Isa Al Khalifa nominates the prime minster, a good mate of his, to head the government. The king remains in charge for a life. The prime minister Shaikh Khalifa bin Salman al Khalifa has been doing this job for 40 years, he must be tired by now!! They are very strong allies of the West. In fact we like the Khalifa’s so much that we park a lot of our aircraft carriers at their harbors. In return we sell them Ferraris and Bentleys for cheap oil. They love us. We love them. The average Bahrain citizen earns reasonably good money, compared to previous lands. They make about $65.00 USD per day. They also have many big and shiny sky scrapers. A clear sign of civilization. The problem in Bahrain is mostly the attitude. The king says and you do. A little bit like when King Henry used to say and we did. Of course there is also the small problem of 15% unemployment coupled with the 8% inflation. Last but not least the majority of the Bahrain citizens are Shia Muslims, except for the monarchy and the government. The guys running the joint are all Suni Muslims. Ouch!!!
  
  

  Libya: Gaddafi and his mate Obama

• Just as we were trying to follow events in Bahrain a whole new development kicks in parallel. A bunch of people started uploading protest videos from their mobile phones on the internet. This time the setting is in Libya. Next door to Egypt. So what comes to mind when we think Libya? Muslim Nation, Desert, Oil, camels, British Police woman (RIP), blown up planes in Lockerbie. Libya is officially known as the Great Socialist People Libyan Arab Soviets (loose translation). It is the fourth largest country in Africa with a 6.5 million population. It has been run by one of the last psychos of the last century for the past 40 years. On the par to Stalin, Hitler, The Shah followed by Khomeini, Maggie, Reagan, Georgie, Sharon, Sadam and so on. He is from that very special group of people where you never know what the hell they are thinking or going to do next. They also never listen to a single person. Yes, it is the one and only Colonel Muammar Gaddafi. Of course we hated this man with a passion. Specially, when his embassy officials shot a Woman Constable outside the Libyan Embassy in London. We also hated him when he was linked to the mid air explosion of a Hi-Jacked plane. We even bombed his house in Tripoli, where one of his children died as a result. But we inevitably had to kiss and make up. He has huge amounts of oil you see. Libya currently supplies 85% of oil to Europe. Besides we know how to kiss and make up only too well. Remember how we helped/encouraged/ignored Sadam Hussein of Iraq when he was mustard gassing the Kurds on the borders of Iran? We only established his tyranny much later. Just like Sadam, Gaddafi must be as confused as hell, thinking I thought we were mates? Currently he is a bad man. But he was a cool cat only last year. Despite the incredible wealth generated from oil exports the average Libyan earns about $20.00USD per day. This is coupled with an inflation rate of 12.5% and a cool 30% unemployment level. You can see why they are screaming on the streets. Instead he flies fighter planes over their heads, just like his neighbour Hosni Mubarak did in Cairo 3 weeks ago. We can safely conclude that his time has come and he will not be in power for much longer. Because of the severe personality defects, there will be more bloodshed on the streets of Tripoli. Not so good if you are a Libyan.

• So what of our journey through the exotic Arab & Middle Eastern lands? The Tarintino plot or the dramatic opera has not fully matured as yet. However, it will do so very soon. Consider the following countries: Yemen, Saudi Arabia, Jordan. All have incredible similarities, if not identical to the above. Long term dictators. High inflation, High unemployment, poverty in very rich lands, suppression and outright piss taking. The funny thing is that we all know they will follow shortly. Add the United States, United Kingdom, Israel and maybe even Iran to the plot and you will have the perfectly unbelievable plot. The irony being, that all this is for real. Real life, real hardship, real blood, real children and real human beings.